Big Friend
by Nate Grey
Summary: Lola told the Straw Hats that her mother would help them. She lied. Only she didn't know it. Or did she? She's a child of Big Mom, after all, and they are rarely what they first seem.


Notes: Everyone thinks Big Mom is the main antagonist of the Whole Cake Island arc. I say it's Lola, for not saying _exactly_ who her mother was, or warning the Straw Hats to stay far away from her, assuming they enjoyed freedom and living. So the following snippets of story all assume that the Straw Hats went to Big Mom on Lola's advice, without any previous interaction. In other words, Luffy and Big Mom have never spoken, Luffy has not eaten her treats, and so, in theory, Big Mom has no reason to hold a grudge against the Straw Hats prior to meeting them.

If you can already roughly guess how _every single one_ of the following stories ends, I hope you will join me in saying that Lola needs to be smacked in the mouth. By Luffy. _In each and every one of his Gear forms._ Not in the interest of hurting Lola (or not _just_ for that, anyway), but in the hope of knocking _some_ sense into her. Also as a valid demonstration, because Chiffon's gotten the equivalent of that and then some, in Lola's place. Since there's a _slight_ chance that Big Mom hits much, much harder than Luffy...

 **WARNING** : There is implied multiple main character death. And, if you couldn't tell, not a single happy ending to be found here. And since this story deals heavily with Big Mom's origins, there are some rather disturbing concepts involved. To list them would spoil, but... keep your Retch-Retch Fruits handy.

* * *

 **Big Friend**  
 **A One Piece One Shot by**  
 **Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**

* * *

 **1 - Denial**

* * *

 **BIG MOM MASSACRES STRAW HAT-FIRE TANK ALLIANCE!**  
 **Two Supernovas Snuffed Out By Ruthless Emperor Queen!**

A steady stream of fat tears splashed onto the the trembling headline, until the entire newspaper was so damp that it easily ripped apart in the clenched fists.

It didn't matter: the headline was all the other people in the bar were talking about. All anyone was talking about. How Straw Hat Luffy and half his crew were dead, not at the hands of the Marines who wanted their heads so desperately, but at the hands of a person they had foolishly been sent to.

And she was that fool.

"Sorry," Lola whispered, allowing the ruin of the newspaper to fall from her hands. "I'm so sorry, Namizo. I never thought she would-"

But was that really true? Really?

Lola was a lot of things, but she had never been blind. She had seen it all: her mother's rages, her mother's violent tantrums, the ease with which her mother could destroy anything or anyone around her, the depths of her mother's cruelty. And still, she had believed there was love there, love strong enough to overcome the worst of it.

She had been wrong. She had been dead wrong, only her death wasn't the result.

The picture of the Thousand Sunny's mangled flag, floating in the water, would haunt Lola forever. As well it should have.

She had been warned. Chiffon and Pudding had both told her what she refused to listen to: that Big Mom was not nearly so kind or forgiving as Lola thought she was. But Lola had brushed them off, thinking them overly sensitive, and perhaps still smarting from Big Mom's most recent refusals to them.

Pudding especially always seemed to be alone, so Lola and Chiffon had tried to include her. They never minded if she wanted to tag along with them. Surely Chiffon would have looked after Pudding in Lola's absence, as much as it was allowed, anyway. But then, Lola above all people knew that sometimes, the simplest things weren't allowed around Big Mom. It was why Lola had run away in the first place. Because the simplicity of Lola's being allowed to find love on her own was too complex for Big Mom.

But she had never expected this.

"I hate you, Mama," Lola whispered, and for the first time, truly meant it. "I love you, but I hate you, and I'll never forgive what you did to my precious friends."

* * *

 **2 - Nothing Personal**

* * *

Lola put the newspaper down with a sigh and shook her head. "Sorry, Namizo. It was nothing personal." Her eyes darkened. "But you should have stayed away from my man. Isn't that right, Ab-chan?"

"L-Leave me alone!" said a weak, blubbering voice from the bed.

Lola laughed softly as she turned to face her protesting husband. "Oh, Ab-chan, you do make me laugh. That's part of why I love you."

Screwing up his face, Absalom spat at her. Two seconds later, the shock collar on his neck activated, and the scent of burning hair filled the bedroom.

"Naughty boy," Lola giggled, "using such foul language in front of our son."

Absalom aimed a hateful glare at the white-eyed monster sitting on the edge of the bed. The sight of its rounded, black body still gave him the creeps. And if a former member of the Mysterious Four said you were creepy, you could take that to the bank. "That... _thing_ is not my son!"

Without waiting for a signal from Lola, the monster tapped the remote in its hand, activating the shock collar for an even longer stretch this time. The shocks no longer knocked Absalom out, he'd built up some resistance. But they still hurt like hell, and staying conscious was no real reward. It only meant he could see everything Lola did to him, and he really wished he couldn't.

The rape, oddly enough, he could live with. Oh, it was mentally scarring, to be sure, and no amount of shutting his eyes and picturing Nami's sweet face and smoking hot body made it any better. Because Nami did not pant and groan like a rutting beast, weigh close to a ton, or kiss him with lips large enough to engulf his head. And Nami would never have a soulless monster sitting nearby, watching the whole thing. Babies from Nami could only ever be beautiful, and that thing with the remote was far from that.

But all that was nothing, compared to what else Absalom had seen. But it made sense, now. Why Lola had come back to the abandoned Thriller Bark, why it was a perfect place for her to live. She was nothing but a monster, inside and out. And Absalom, much as he hated to admit it, probably deserved no better than to be her prisoner.

She wouldn't _kill_ him. There was that. But she _wouldn't_ kill him. And so he'd never escape her.

* * *

 **3 - Crazy for Feeling**

* * *

They tried.

The Risky Brothers had done everything in their power to keep the news from Lola. But it was too big, and the world too large. People talked about it everywhere they went. In the end, Lola never actually saw the newspaper article, but she didn't need to.

Her heart broke gradually, over the course of a week.

At first, she denied it, said it couldn't possibly be true. But as the days passed, she sank into a black depression, refusing food and drink, only wanting to wallow in her misery. And since all attempts at cheer failed, they felt they had to let her grieve the loss and deal with her mother's betrayal of faith, at least for a little while. When she came out of it, she would once again value their loyalty and friendship. That was how Lola was.

Or how they thought she was.

But when Lola finally emerged, she did not look ready to resume their travels or her captaincy.

She looked ready to burn the world.

Her mascara had formed black trails on her cheeks, her large lips were pale and dry, and snot hung thickly from her nose. Her pink locks were a limp and tangled affair, as if style itself had become its enemy. And her eyes, always expressive, were now empty: of light, of hope, of life. Faced with this ominous sight, the Risky Brothers had no idea what to say to her.  
They needn't have bothered.

Lola opened her mouth. To speak, to scream, to cry, no one who saw her then would ever live to tell. But what they might have said was that they saw their doom in that gaping mouth, where light and nothing living escaped. What did escape was her hunger, given cursed, frightening form, which spilled forth to claim every life in its path.

* * *

The pirate crew that landed upon Thriller Bark was weary, but sharply dressed. They had been searching endlessly, and finally, their quest had brought them to their fated destination. They were here to do something that both pirates and Marines alike had failed to do for the past few years: capture "Widow Maker" Lola. Alive. Because the odds of her staying dead, if she even could be killed, didn't look promising.

The story was known in all corners of the world: how Big Mom's estranged daughter had one day turned on her own crew and devoured them. And it was not so much the act itself as the details of how she'd done it that mattered. The lifeless bodies of her crew were found, their faces frozen in silent screams of horror. Taking Big Mom's own Devil Fruit into consideration, impossible as it seemed, there was only one logical conclusion: Lola had inherited her mother's power to manipulate souls. Why else would Lola return to the ruined Thriller Bark to live, waiting for any foolish enough to pursue her? Because she felt right at home in the land of the dead and soulless. Or so the popular opinion was.

The pirate crew kept a tight formation as they moved through Thriller Bark. Lola was thought to work alone these days, but as few survived encounters with her, it was hard to say for sure.

"She knows we're here, and she's getting closer," said the apparent lead pirate, her voice muffled by the mask on her head. "Stay behind me, all of you."

With silent nods, the Sleeping Demon Pirates ventured further into the overwhelming darkness.

* * *

She could feel them. New souls, come to be her next meal. And Lola was always hungry.

For her, souls had no taste. But she could not deny her overwhelming instinct to feed. And more than that, she didn't want to deny it. She wanted people to suffer and die, as her heart had suffered and died, because of her mother. There was nothing else left for Lola.

But as she approached her next victims, Lola could tell that there was something strange about three of them. They felt familiar, somehow. More like her than any souls she'd come across in some time. Not that it made any difference to Lola, but she couldn't help being curious.

She found them in one of the mansion's corridors, all clothed in whites suits or dresses, and all wearing demonic masks over their heads. If she was supposed to fear them, it didn't work.

When it came to souls, Big Mom gave a choice. Lola wasn't Big Mom, and never would be.

"Die," Lola whispered, and then her mouth opened wide, and the black evil poured forth, cackling as it raced toward its next victims.

The large lead pirate did something truly unexpected. She moved in front of her crewmates and extended her arms, possibly meaning to protect them, as useless as that would have been. Except then she shouted, "Shield!" And to Lola's amazement, a golden shield seemed to burst from the woman's chest, instantly expanding to fill the entire corridor. And when Lola's darkness slammed into the shield's golden light?

Both were replled, directly back into their owners, with jarring force.

Lola staggered on her feet, her eyes wide. "Who...? Who are you?!"

"My dear Lola," the pirate whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "You don't know your own twin?"

"You can't be... Chiffon?" Lola gasped.

With trembling hands, the pirate removed her demon mask. It could be no one but Chiffon: Lola had never met even a single other person with facial dimensions so close to her own.

"H-How did you get that power?!" Lola demanded.

"The same way you did," Chiffon replied. "A momentous heartbreak. The very same heartbreak, I'd bet: when Big Mom murdered your precious friends. _Our_ precious friends."

Lola shook her head wildly. "NO! I love Mama. I HATE MAMA! You're trying to trick me! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY MAMA?!" With a loud shriek, she launched the darkness at the pirates again.

But again, Chiffon produced the golden shield, and this time the impact from the recoil of their colliding souls knocked them both to the ground.

"Oh, Lola," Chiffon gasped. "Your mind has torn itself apart, trying to be loyal to and hate her at the same time. You can't go on this way. I won't allow it. I won't lose you, too!"

"Don't come any closer, Chiffon! I'LL KILL YOU! I don't want to hurt you! I'll EAT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOUR SOULS!"

Chiffon shook her head. "We're twins, Lola. Our powers are too similar, too even. We could try for days and never kill each other. It's proof we're meant to be together. I won't take you back to that monster, but I won't leave you here to rot in insanity and self-torture. You're coming with us!"

Lola screamed and prepared to attack again. But that was when she heard it. Someone in the distance was whistling. And though Lola could not be sure if it was the whistling or the song itself, something in her... shifted. Settled. And for once, wasn't in constant agony.

"I can't... won't..." Lola muttered, wobbling on her feet.

The whistling was becoming louder, closer, clearer. It was soothing, Lola realized, and she could not remember the last time she had felt that. When she parted ways with the Straw Hats? The last time the Risky Brothers had told her a joke? Her precious friends were gone now, and the pain hadn't seemed like it would ever end. But now, with Chiffon standing before her, and that soothing sound ringing in her ears, Lola thought it might just be possible. Perhaps there was part of her family she could still believe in.

Maybe the sun could shine on her just one more time.

Her trembling lips stretched into a smile, and Lola collapsed face-first to the ground.

* * *

When Lola woke up, she was lying on a comfortable bed in a well-lit room, and the whistling was gone. But now she could hear a voice, the sweetest one she'd ever heard, and knew at once that it must have been the source of the whistling.

"Do you think she'll wake up soon, Auntie?" the voice was asking. It sounded young and male.

"I'm sure it won't be long now. I've never known anyone to stay asleep when one of these cakes is nearby. And she can't have been eating anything more delicious than this, since... you know."

Lola didn't know who the first voice belonged to, but she knew the second speaker. She just had a hard time believing that both that person and Chiffon could possibly have come for her. Rather, she had a hard time believing that their mother would have allowed it. At the very thought of her mother, Lola winced as a bolt of pain flashed through her head and heart, and she groaned, alerting the other two.

"Lola? How are you feeling?"

Lola blinked, frowning as she slowly sat up and stared at the second speaker, who was seated next to the bed. "...Pudding? How can you be here? Mama would never let you-"

"Why don't you let me worry about what Mama would let me do?" Pudding interrupted with a smile. There was both warmth and steel in that smile, and it reminded Lola exactly whose daughters they were. "You still haven't said, Lola. How are you feeling?"

"Strange," Lola murmured. "My head is still fuzzy."

"I'm not surprised. Chiffon said you were tearing yourself apart. We can help you heal, but it'll take some time. And good food." Pudding pointed to a large white cake resting on a nearby table. The words "Welcome Home, Lola!" were printed on the top in thick, pink icing.

Lola's gaze went to the little boy seated in Pudding's lap. "Is he your son?"

Pudding laughed. "I can guess why you'd think that, but no. This is our nephew. Chiffon's kid."

The little boy extended his hand with a grin. "Nice to finally meet you, Auntie Lola! I'm Pez!"

Lola hesitantly shook the boy's much smaller hand. "Hello," she murmured. "You were the one whistling earlier, right? Do you think you could do it again?"

"Sure!" Pez said brightly. He immediately began to whistle, but it was soon drowned out by the sound of Lola sobbing. If Pez was bothered by this reaction, he showed it by sitting quietly and waiting patiently for Lola to stop.

"I-I'm sorry," Lola gasped. "It's just that I've never heard anything so lovely!"

"That'll be Pez's Voice-Voice Fruit power," Pudding explained. "People always react strongly to his voice, and we really needed him to turn up the power for you. Unfortunately, we can't have him turn it down just yet. Your body is still adjusting to him, and you don't want to have to start over, trust me."

"Maybe something slower would be best," Pez offered. "I know the perfect song! Mr. Skeleton's Lullaby!"

The song Pez began to whistle was indeed a slow one, and perhaps he had intended it to inspire less of response from Lola. She didn't burst into tears this time, at least. But that was only because the tears ran in a slow, constant stream as she listened quietly. She knew the song, of course, and knew who Pez had likely learned it from. But even that was a reminder of what Lola had lost, and she could not stop the tears, even if she'd wanted to.

* * *

Chiffon was aimlessly stirring the cup of tea in front of her when someone knocked on the dining room door. She nodded to the man standing guard near the door, who opened it, allowing Lola, Pudding, and Pez to enter. After another nod from Chiffon, he slipped out of the room and shut the door behind him.

"Sit down, everyone," Chiffon invited, gesturing to the seats around the table. "If anyone still has an appetite after we're done talking, I can make us something to eat."

Lola frowned as she sat down next to her twin. "Bad news?"

"Most of it, yes." Chiffon sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I guess the best place to start is the beginning. Our mother isn't human. Rather, she isn't human anymore."

"What does that mean?" Lola asked.

"In this world, it is possible, however unlikely, for a human child to quickly reach giant size through natural, unknown means. And most people might assume that, if they'd seen our mother as a child. She actually was physically the same size as giant children. But even then, her raw strength was far beyond what any giant child was capable of. Even adult giants, hardened through countless battles, feared and fell to her power."

Lola shook her head. "How do you know any of this?"

Chiffon nodded. "Pudding?"

"I was the one who found out," Pudding admitted. "It took me a long time to be sure, but I realized the person closest to Mama, the one who she trusted above all others, was Streusen."

Lola grunted. "The head chef? Seems obvious, when you think about it. I only ever saw him ordering around the chefs working directly under him, but he was the one person I never saw Mama threaten, no matter how mad she got."

"He's been with her for a long time, since before she was a pirate. He's the one person alive that could truthfully say he controls her."

"Impossible," Lola said at once.

Pudding shook her head. "I don't mean that he gives her an order and she follows it. He manipulates her with food, puts ideas in her head that she would dismiss if they came from anyone else. Now, he's mostly content to sit back and let her conquer whatever she wants, but back then? If he wanted someone or something destroyed, he pointed her at them. You cannot underestimate how powerful and dangerous that made him."

"And he just told you this?"

"Not willingly. I had to sample his memories to learn all of this. He would be foolish to reveal it otherwise, and that is one thing he is not." Pudding paused. "What truly matters is this: it was no accident that he and Mama met. He was looking for her. He knew of her existence prior to meeting her, and wanted to find her, so he could use her."

"I feel like you're leaving something out," Lola said.

"It goes back to what Chiffon said: Mama isn't human. She was the product of a genetic experiment, commissioned by the World Nobles. They wanted to create a human-giant hybrid, a stronger breed of being that could better serve and protect them. They succeeded, but they entrusted common people to actually interact with her. That was their mistake, because where the World Nobles saw nothing but another slave, the commoners saw a mistreated child who deserved freedom. The commoners stole Mama, intending to raise her in secret, but she was too powerful. If they had kept her, they would have been found out. So they had no choice but to abandon her, where they hoped the World Nobles wouldn't find her. But Streusen found her. And it's probably good that he did, honestly. Without his influence, Mama would have had to decide what mattered to her on her own."

"What is the point of telling me all of this?" Lola asked.

"So that you understand and believe what we tell you next," Pudding replied. "Mama isn't human, and neither are we. But not for the reason you might think. The World Nobles, in their desire to control Mama in every way, did not want unauthorized breeding. They made her sterile."

Lola snorted. "Then how do you explain us sitting here? Or any of her children?"

"Simple. We have been raised to think of her as our mother, so you cannot yet see her in any other way. Even now, knowing the truth, calling her anything but 'Mama' feels strange to me. But it's more accurate to call her Creator. She didn't give birth to any of us. She designed us, the way an artist makes a work of art. That is how we are not human."

"And what are you claiming that we are?"

Pudding leaned forward. "Homonuclei. False humans. Dolls. Puppets. We look and behave human enough. But if you had ever tried to have children, you would have found out for yourself. You would even swell, as if pregnant. But without the essential component, what would emerge from your body is a lifeless doll. Fake humans cannot produce real ones. We can only pretend. And even that requires a soul. Or part of one."

Lola's eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

"Each of us has a piece of Mama's soul. It's what gives us life, and makes the majority of us loyal to her. Think of her like an oven. We are the pies baking inside, and her soul fragment is the filling that gives us flavor. She can shape us however she likes, but if she becomes overly ambitious and makes the design too complex? It allows us to rebel against her. And of course, if she rejects us, that increases our ability to turn away from her. That's why you were able to stay away this long, Lola. Even if you didn't know it, she had rejected you. Think of that one rule we always heard about her power. She can't put her soul into humans or dead bodies. How do you think she found out in the first place? Her desire to build a family was such that she would have tried anything, once she knew she couldn't give birth naturally."

"That... can't be true," Lola whispered.

"It is," Chiffon said softly. "I have proof, if you need to see it. But you won't like it."

* * *

"Do you like ice cream, Auntie Lola?" Pez asked.

"Sure," Lola said slowly. Chiffon had said that Pez would show her the proof, but he was talking about ice cream, for some reason.

They were standing in front of what looked like a freezer, and judging from the distance between the door and the surrounding rooms, it was a very larger freezer.

"We've got all kinds here," Pez noted. "Dad's always bringing some back."

Lola had briefly met Pez's father. Overall, she was impressed with Capone Bege. He was a heavily scarred man, clear mementos of his surviving the attack that claimed the lives of half the Straw Hats. But he treated his wife and son with obvious affection, and they dd not fear him. Which was already more than Lola could have hoped for, for her twin. Capone welcomed Lola warmly, told her that anything she needed was hers. But for Lola, just being reunited with this small part of her family, and meeting Pez and Capone, was enough.

Pez reached up and opened the freezer door. "Try not to be too surprised, but I guess he does shock you a bit at first."

"What do you-" Lola began to ask, but she was interrupted by a loud, familiar voice.

"YOHOHOHOHOHO! So nice to see you again, Miss Lola!"

The voice itself was startling enough, but to hear it coming from a little boy who was clearly Pez's twin left Lola momentarily speechless. And yet there was no mistaking that voice, because Pez's brother even had a thick afro, pink though it was.

"Brook, you... you're alive?" Lola whispered.

"Ah, that is a tricky question to answer," Brook sighed. "What I can say is that my original body is no longer wholly intact. Had I not sensed an empty vessel nearby, my soul would not still exist in this world. The Bege family was kind enough to allow me to borrow their son's body for the time being. Young Master Chiclet has proven to be a very comfortable fit, though I am sad to say it was because he was born with no soul of his own. As such, my soul's presence poses no threat to him. Indeed, I am given to understand that the only way any of Big Mom's grandchildren can normally live at all is if she provides their souls. And in an act of true cruelty, she only gave life to one of Chiffon's twin boys. Such an unforgivable offense against a relative breaks my heart... or it would, if I had a heart of my own."

"We don't mind so much, since Mr. Skeleton is such a nice guy, and we never got to see Chiclet moving around before," Pez explained. "Mom never thought we'd get a soul for Chiclet, but she couldn't bring herself to bury him, either. It was too final for her."

"He seems... very well preserved," Lola observed.

Pez shrugged. "I know the freezer helps Mr. Skeleton with that now. Before that, Mom bathed Chiclet a lot."

"What does that-"

"In blood." Pez paused. "Well, she mixed it with soapy water, but it was still mostly blood. To simulate Chiclet being alive, I think. Whatever she did, it worked."

"Clearly." Lola hesitated. "I don't know if this would help at all, but... I've collected more than a few souls. I've never used them in quite this way-"

Pez shook his head. "I don't think Mom would like that. Even if you could make a unique soul just for Chiclet, for us... my brother is dead. He's been that way for as long as I've known him. I'm sad about it, but I don't think he'd take another's soul for his own, or want to live if someone had to die for it."

"So... there's no helping Chiclet at all?" Lola asked. "You're just giving up?"

"Every way there is to help Young Master Chiclet is... unpalatable," Brook replied. "And, Miss Lola, you need to know. Asking your mother is not an option, either. It was she that sealed Chiclet's fate, and she would seal yours, as well. You cannot return to her, unless you wish for a brutal death."

Lola said nothing to that, because she already felt that life was far more brutal than death.

* * *

"A filthy bunch of traitors, all of you!" Daifuku roared, spittle flying from his mouth as the genie towered over him, ready to charge. "And bring out Pudding! We know she messed with Mama's head before she ran away, and she's going to pay for it in blood!"

Lola's eyes met Chiffon's only briefly, and then the twins were in motion, moving faster than their size might have first implied was possible. Chiffon rushed to meet the genie directly, blocking its thrust with her golden shield. Lola threw herself at Daifuku, a black sword forming in her hands as she drove the blade at his chest, only for him to dodge at the last moment.

"You fool, you could never-" Daifuku began, and then the light faded from his eyes as Brooke stabbed him in the back, ripping out a wispy, violet substance that was neither organ nor blood.

When it was over, Lola stared at her fallen brother's body. Without knowing why, she touched his neck. He was already ice-cold. Even now, she felt the temptation to take the soul fragment Brook had taken, and put it in Chiclet's body. Not just the old Lola, but the new one, who mourned her nephew, wanted that so much that it hurt. But family was pain and goodness and hard times and joy. And even if she didn't like the way things were now, she had to admit: they were still better than they had been. It had cost her some precious friends, but she was free: to love, to laugh, to live.

* * *

 **4 - Fishsticks and Greens**

* * *

"This Vivre Card belongs to my Mama," Lola said, holding the piece of paper to Nami. "She's a big time pirate in the New World. You guys should visit her. She'll help you if you're in trouble."

"Thanks, Lola!" Nami said, reaching out to grasp the paper.

Only, Lola didn't let go of it.

"A couple of things first, though," Lola added. "When I say 'big time pirate', I mean she's an Emperor of the Sea. When I say 'visit', I mean only visit her if you've got plenty of sweets to give or are just eager to be destroyed. And when I say 'help you', I mean if you prove your worth and swear loyalty to her, she probably won't kill you, but you'll still spend the rest of your days forced to be part of her crew."

Nami stared at her blankly. "Then why in the world would we even-?"

"She's got tons of food and the best cooks for miles around."

A firm hand clamped down on Nami's shoulder, and she turned to see Luffy leering at her, his eyes replaced by dancing chunks of steaming meat. "Next stop, Lola's mom's house!" he shouted, splattering Nami with drool.

"Luffy, were you even listening?!" Nami demanded angrily. "There's only _one_ female Emperor, and she-!"

"Has good food and plenty of people to cook it! That's all I need to know!"

Lola shook her head. "Well, it's your choice. Whatever happens, I pray that Vivre Card will be of some help to you."

* * *

Nami was carefully polishing the child-sized white shoes when she sensed a familiar presence entering the bedroom. "Almost done," she said absently, not looking up.

Sanji cleared his throat. "Shirahoshi is asking to see you."

"Nice that she remembers her friends. Unlike some people."

"I haven't forgotten. I never could. You won't let me."

"And you think I should let you? After what you did?"

"I saved your life, Nami. I don't ask for any thanks, but-"

"No, you just ask me to be your slave."

"I never did!" Sanji snapped. "That was the only choice that let you live! And if you hated it so much, if you wanted to be with him so much, then you could have chosen to die a fool, like he did! When I offered my hand, you took it, so don't act like I made you a prisoner! You put on the collar yourself, Nami. I'm just the only reason it was offered in the first place. If you don't like my protection, then you can try your luck without it. You might not be killed instantly, but I don't think you want to risk asking any of Big Mom's sons to take you as their bride. I'm sure you could find one, but your lovely looks wouldn't last past the wedding night. At least my way, no one touches you, and about the worst thing you've ever had to do is change a dirty diaper."

Nami finally raised her head and stared into his eyes. "No, the worst thing I had to do is pretend Luffy never existed. I can wear his hat, I just can't tell anyone where it came from."

"Then throw it away, if it-"

Nami's eyes narrowed. "Never. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Not to be reminded? That's part of why I do wear it. I never want you to be able to forget, Sanji."

Sanji gritted his teeth. "I'll make it an order, if I have to. Shirahoshi wants to see you. You should want to see her, too. It is her wedding day."

"I never said I wouldn't do it. I just said she's a better friend than you. Anyway, I have to make sure that Sprin-"

The door burst open abruptly, and a small, blonde girl bounced in, followed at a more leisurely pace by a sulking boy who was obviously her twin. The boy was dressed smartly in an expensive white tuxedo, but the girl was only wearing a towel.

"Nami!" the girl chirped, running up to her excitedly. "Will you pin my hair up like yours?"

"Sure, Sprinkles," Nami said, smiling warmly at her. "Put your dress on, and we'll do your hair after that. Then we can go meet Princess Shirahoshi."

Sprinkles squealed. "Neat! I always wanted to meet a real mermaid princess!"

Her brother snorted. "You didn't even know they existed until a month ago."

She frowned at him. "Well, I wanted to meet one ever since then. Why'd you come with me if you're just going to be a stick in the mud, Fudge?"

"Someone has to keep you out of trouble, and Nami's too busy today. So get dressed and try to go a minute without getting dirty."

Sprinkles stuck her tongue out at him, but vanished into her closet to start getting dressed all the same. Fudge slouched over to stand next to Sanji.

"How did your training go?" Sanji asked.

Fudge grunted. "The same, Pops. Still can't even hurt Uncle Oven. But he doesn't laugh at me anymore. Maybe that means he's taking me seriously now."

Sanji sensed it first, and didn't react in any way, curious if the boy would evade in time.

Fudge didn't even stop speaking as he jerked his head slightly to the left, avoiding the fist that shot out of the closet on the end of an elongated arm. "Maybe if I double down on my workout, I can finally get somewhere." He was unprepared for the fingers that flicked his ear hard, however, as the hand drew back.

"You're faster," Sprinkles noted, sticking her head out of the closet, "but you can't see the future yet, big brother."

Fudge scowled at her but said nothing, knowing it was useless to complain about her trick.

Nami frowned, wishing it didn't have to be that way. The kids were trained relentlessly by their favored uncles: Sprinkles by Katakuri, and Fudge by Oven. At least with Sprinkles, she bounced back from injury very quickly and was always upbeat. But Fudge was given to black moods, particulary when he made mistakes. And though Nami did her best to cheer him up, it never seemed to work. Although perhaps that she was one of the few that ever even tried was enough, because Fudge did seem to have a soft spot for her. Both kids did, really. Or maybe that was just their father's influence, shining through them. Nami quickly forced that thought away: the kids liked her because she was nice to them, not because their father told them to. If she was wrong, then she had already failed them.

* * *

A cup the size of a swimming pool landed on the floor with an earth-shaking thud, and the giant leaned back with a sigh, clearly content. It wasn't the best cup of coffee that Sanji ever made, but it is among the most important.

"Sanji Charlotte," the giant said slowly, testing the name on his lips. "You have saved my life."

Sanji shook his head. "I only made the introduction."

"And that has saved my life." The giant closed his eyes. "My first wife, Roga, died in childbirth. I thought my son and I would be alone for the rest of our lives. But then I saw my angel. And I knew that fate had smiled on me. After the last time we made the mistake of trusting the Charlotte family, my people were dead-set against doing it a second time. But I could tell you weren't like the others. Your spirit was too rigid and manly. You bowed to Big Mom, but only on the outside. I respect that." With a grimace, Sanji sipped from his own cup. "Keep that quiet, if you don't mind."

"Whatever you say." The giant stroked his thick, moss-colored beard. "I still can't believe how lucky I am. And all because of you. If you should ever need anything-"

"Your continued friendship is enough, Greenbeard. It makes Big Mom happy, and that keeps my friends and family safe."

"Tell me something," Greenbeard murmured. "Why did you take your wife's name?"

"That's easy. The Charlottes... they're monsters, and I can never forgive what they did to me. But I still don't hate them as much as I do the Vinsmokes. Because they were supposed to be my family. They were supposed to want me. So if I have to live among monsters, it'll be the ones that see some value in me."

* * *

To no great surprise, it wasn't just talking that Shirahoshi desired, but the pleasure of Nami's company overall. There were several other things that Nami was meant to be doing, and normally would have been punished for overlooking. But on this day, the success of the wedding, and thus, the happiness of the bride, came before all else. And if Shirahoshi requested to spend her time with Sanji's attendant, that was how it would be.

More importantly, Nami learned a great deal from Shirahoshi's descriptions of her interactions with Greenbeard, her soon-to-be husband, and with Sanji. Nami had been under the impression that Sanji cared only for the happiness of his own wife and children. That he had simply tricked Shirahoshi into marrying the first giant that showed any interest, in order to earn Big Mom's favor for himself. But if everything that Shirahoshi said was true, Sanji had visited her many times, formed a highly selective profile of her ideal suitor, and rejected several before deciding on Greenbeard. Not only was Greenbeard a highly respected warrior among his people, he was seventh in line for the throne, and already had a son. So between that, and Shirahoshi's three married brothers, there was no pressure for her to produce an heir on either side. The first thing Greenbeard had planned after the wedding was to take his wife on a voyage to see the world, something Shirahoshi had always dreamed of.

But it changed little, for Nami. Sanji had still sold his soul to Big Mom, who was responsible for Luffy's death. And Big Mom was hardly better than Blackbeard, in that once she got her hands on the Gum-Gum Fruit, she had purposely set out to obtain the Flame-Flame Fruit, as well. And the worst of it was, Nami thought Luffy would prefer to see his power residing in Sanji's daughter, rather than in the Navy who killed Ace. As for Ace, he would certainly not want his power in Blackbeard's crew, so much as Nami hated it? Perhaps they were right where they should have been.

But Nami didn't have to like it, or let Sanji enjoy it. And he was enjoying it, had to be, because despite how evil Pudding could be, there was real love between them. Nami had seen it, and nearly choked every time she did. Pudding always made time to see her kids, perhaps sensing that with Nami almost always around to tend to them, they could have decided they didn't need their mother at all. It was strange: Pudding was evil, but Nami could see that the world, and in no small part, Big Mom herself, had made Pudding that way. And whatever else she was, Pudding adored her children and would do anything for them, especially if it meant they didn't grow up resentful as she had. Which, Nami was sure, helped considerably in that they usually wanted Nami around them, and would notice any obvious bruising immediately. Not that Pudding needed physical means to manipulate people. Which was entirely different from saying she didn't use them at all.

Of course, Nami noticed that Shirahoshi's gaze often drifted to the worn straw hat on her head. Asking about it would have required amounts of bravery and rudeness that Nami suspected the princess did not yet possess. Perhaps a few years married to a giant would change that. Perhaps it wasn't necessary at all. Because Shirahoshi did end their conversation by offering her condolences, and promising Nami that despite what problems it might cause, Nami would always be able to hide behind her.

"Because you and Sanji kept your promise to come back and visit me!" Shirahoshi said with a big smile.

Nami could only respond to that by leaning against Shirahoshi's large cheek, and placing a tender kiss upon it.

* * *

The full gatherings of Big Mom's children for family dinners always made Sanji nervous. Since he had joined the family, he had only been ordered to attend three. It wasn't so much that he hated being in a room full of people both capable of and no doubt wanting to kill him. Rather, it was the knowledge that nothing good ever came from these events, at least not for him.

And yet, this time was supposedly different. This dinner was supposed to be in his honor, for arranging the marriage of Shirahoshi and Greenbeard, finally tying the the Elbaf giants to the Charlotte family through a debt of gratitude... to Sanji alone. But since Sanji was fully under Big Mom's control, it amounted to the same thing. At least, in her eyes. And she, in turn, wanted to show her appreciation to him.

He'd never been more terrified in his life.

Normally, during such dinners, the children were seated around a ridiculously long table, roughly in the order they'd been born into the family, with any current spouse placed next to them. Big Mom's naturally-born sons occupied the left side, while daughters took the right. So with Pudding being the 35th daughter, Sanji's seat was usually near the middle of the right side, and he was very much accustomed to receiving constant glares from his bitter sister-in-law, Flampe.

But on this night, Sanji received the unheard of honor (or terror) of being seated directly next to Big Mom herself, at the head of the table. So not only was he in constant danger of Big Mom flattening him with a gesture, but he also had to endure the stares of her oldest and most powerful children from close up. Even Pudding, who bad been moved to the first spot on the right side for the event, was visibly shaking, and she seemed completely ignorant of the stares she was getting from her siblings. Which meant her terror stemmed from one source even greater than that, as did Sanji's.

Big Mom waited until the end of the dinner to speak her mind. Her large eyes rolled to settle on Sanji, who immediately froze. "Sanji," she said in a voice that was almost a purr. "You threw away the family that threw you away, turned your back on your crew, and pledged your life to me. You have only grown stronger and stronger since then. My sons tell me that you train yourself nonstop, as if you were a machine, always seeking even great heights. My dear Pudding tells me that you have satisfied her in every possible way. And now, you have brought me one step closer to realizing my dream. For these things, I think you should be rewarded."

Sanji immediately lowered his head. "I am honored by your praise, Mama."

"Not praise," she corrected. "Only facts. Tell me, Sanji. What would you say, if I told you that I was thinking of making you my 4th Sweet Commander?"

There was an audible choking sound, and Sanji did not have to look to know it came from Snack. Since his defeat by Urogue and consequent demotion, Big Mom had never even considered restoring Snack's lost rank to him, and acted as if there had only ever been three Sweet Commanders. But to restore the fourth spot, and to fill it a son by marriage? It was nothing that any of the children would have ever expected. And Sanji, for one, did not believe it to be genuine.

"If you are appointing me, Mama, then of course I will obey you," Sanji said slowly. "But if you are asking my opinion? I am not worthy, and nowhere near strong enough to represent you and this family to that degree. And, though I am not worthy to judge, I feel certain that there are more deserving of the honor among your children. Perhaps, if you asked the other Swee-"

"Enough," Big Mom interrupted, staring down at him. "Sanji. That was the right answer. I am very pleased with you, my son. Continue to please me, and the rewards will be more than you could ever dream of."

"Thank you, Mama," Sanji murmured. "I am happy that you are happy."

Even when Big Mom turned away from him, Sanji kept his head down for a whole minute. And when he finally raised it, he found Katakuri's gaze, staring right through him. What future did those eyes see for him? Sanji had never dared to ask, but he already knew. If Katakuri had ever determined Sanji to be a threat to the family, then Sanji would die. And since that had not happened yet, then Sanji Charlotte was doing exactly what was expected of him.

* * *

"We've been here for two whole days and there's nothing," Fudge grumbled. "Why don't we just give up and go?"

"I told you, Dad gave us this mission for a reason!" Sprinkles insisted. "We're being tested, and I'm not going to let us fail that test!"

"But it's been years, sis. If there was truly anything important left in the remains of Caesar's lab, it would have been found by now. And if Dad really thought there was anything important left here, he'd have come to look himself. This is just busywork. We'll pass the test when we come home in one piece. But there's nothing to find here."

Sprinkles frowned at her brother, but said nothing. She had been so excited when they were ordered to go to Punk Hazard, convinced that they were about to get more responsibilities. Along with Greenbeard's son, Mosshead, the three had jokingly been called the Swirly-Brow Pirates for years, but it was a name they all took seriously and hoped to make official one day.

Yet it was starting to seem like Fudge was right. They hadn't found anything worth the trouble of their visit, and it was unlikely that they were expected to bring back frozen corpses. Sprinkles hated to admit that she had been wrong, but even if they did get punished, at least it would happen somewhere much warmer than the current frozen wasteland they stood in.

"Fine," she sighed. "We'll go get Mossy, and then get out of this dump."

"That," said a voice behind her, "might be a problem, little girl."

Fudge immediately burst into flames and took several steps, placing his sister behind him, and himself between her and the new threat. "Who the hell are you supposed to be?" he demanded in his usual rude way. "Don't think that-"

Sprinkles grabbed his shoulder, hard. And considering he was currently on fire, she couldn't have done it lightly. "We need to run," she hissed before letting him go.

"Why?" Fudge demanded, glaring at the unusually tall man who calmly stood before them, smoking a cigar and smiling at them. True, he didn't like something about the man's eyes, but that was no clear measure of the man's threat level. And yet, Sprinkles apparently thought so.

"Because we'll die if we don't," she moaned, and Fudge was startled by the fear in her tone. True, she had been scared before, but only of weird things, like spiders missing a leg or crocodiles that walked backward. To date, the only pirate she even sort of feared was Big Mom herself. But, Fudge soon realized, that was probably because they'd always been surrounded by a powerful family. This time, they were totally on their own.

"You should listen to your sister, 'Hot' Fudge Charlotte," the man murmured. "Not that you can run from me, but she's right to be afraid, at least. Not even those 'Crazy Legs' of hers will get you out of this."

It was then that Fudge noticed the man was carrying something on his back. It looked like a large, iron box of some kind.

"Fudge, please!" Sprinkles whispered.

"You run and get Mosshead. I'll hold this guy off," Fudge decided.

"No, you can't do that!"

"Shut up and run!" Fudge's feet ignited, and twin jets of flame propelled him high into the air, where he shouted at the top of his lungs, "BURNING MAN!"

The man blinked and smiled as a giant composed of flames appeared around the boy. "Nice. To think I get to see the final appearance, in person. This is a rare treat. It's almost a shame I have to end the show early."

"You won't be running your mouth when you're dead!" Fudge growled.

"And if you're going to be a human shield, you should really do a better job of it," the man replied, pointing.

Fudge risked a glance behind him, and stared in horror. Sprinkles apparently had obeyed and tried to run, but she'd only made it a few yards before her body was entirely encased in ice. Just as bad, Fudge's new vantage point gave him a clear view of Mosshead and their ship. Both were coated in thick ice as well.

"It's nothing personal, you know," the man said. "I was curious to see how you'd grow into those powers, kid. But the fact is, we've never had an easier chance to grab these two particular Devil Fruits. And my boss, he wants them real bad. So you're just out of luck."

"I will kill you," Fudge whispered.

The man sighed. "I hear that a lot. Never seems to work out to well for the ones who say it, though. Anyway, since your sister didn't get a chance to tell you my name, allow me to educate you, kid." The man puffed out a bit of smoke from his cigar. "Name's Shiliew. I won't bother with the rest, since you're about to die, but I want you to take this next part to your grave. I used to be rain, but now they say I've got ice in my veins."

The colossal sword of ice erupted from the ground and slammed into the Burning Man's shoulder from below, lopping it off. Fudge was startled and distracted enough that the second and third swords severed the giant's other arm and legs before he could reform them. And by the time Fudge realized that Shiliew was no longer visible, a battering ram of ice slammed into his back, knocking the boy free of the giant and sending him tumbling end over end through the air. When Fudge finally came to an abrupt stop, it was on the end of a gleaming, black sword. He could see nothing but a close-up view of Shiliew's face.

"Nothing personal," Shiliew said again, this time with a wide grin and a clear passion for murder in his eyes. "I would have killed you three even if I hadn't been ordered to. Now, don't you feel better?"

Fudge hated to admit it, but he really did feel better. At least, he felt no more pain, but as the darkness began to creep into his vision, he knew that wasn't a good sign.

* * *

 **OMAKE - Tiger or Tiger Lady**

* * *

"You have impressed me, Straw Hat Luffy," Big Mom said, staring down at the unruly pirate captain shackled at her feet. "Your bravery, your fierceness in battle, and your stupidity... I've never seen anything like it. I'm still going to kill you, but I want to make a game of it."

Thankfully, Luffy had been gagged, so his response could not be heard.

"Such youthful energy should be preserved for the next generation, don't you agree?"

Luffy stopped struggling, noticing the manic look in Big Mom's eyes as she leered at him hungrily.

"Yes, you'll make a fine specimen, I think." She licked her lips.

Luffy paled.

"Life," Big Mom whispered, pointing a finger at him. "Or..."

Luffy tensed.

"Life?" she said in an even softer tone, placing a hand low on her belly.

Luffy's eyes bulged, and though they could not be heard, his screams were all too obvious.

* * *

 **Endnotes**

* * *

 _The Moral of the Story:_  
In case you missed the subtle message: I don't believe it would matter, whether Lola was overly naive or entirely truthful, when she invited the Straw Hats to meet her mother. Not so long as she mentioned the food, and Luffy was captain, anyway. But the only difference is whether the Straw Hats go to their fate knowingly, and if they're completely blindsided by the fact that Lola's mother is Big Mom, an Emperor, and a filicidal monster.

When trying to come up with excuses for why Lola would send the Straw Hats to Big Mom, I narrowed it down to three. And these are the same excuses the parts of this story are based on.  
1) Lola is in denial. She honestly thinks Big Mom is kind.  
2) Lola is vengeful. She wants Big Mom to kill Nami.  
3) Lola is insane. Torn between chasing what she wants and making Big Mom happy, Lola tries to do both at the same time: find a suitable husband (what Big Mom wanted), but choosing him herself (what Lola wants). It is all-important (she never stops looking), and yet, the rejections don't phase her at all. Because on some level, she knows nobody's rejection can hurt worse than her own mother's already has. So a violent shock, such as Big Mom killing Lola's friends, is bound to tear her in two even more.  
And I decided to introduce a fourth option, one I would have preferred be canon:  
4) Lola is truthful. She tells the Straw Hats exactly who her mother is, and allows them to decide their own fate. Yes, Luffy still might have been stubborn enough to challenge Big Mom. But if he had, then it would have been on his own head. The way it happens in canon, the Straw Hats challenge Big Mom without realizing that she is Lola's mother, until it's far too late to walk away because of that. If they had known in advance, maybe they would have handled it differently, maybe not. But if Luffy was the only person in the crew who wanted to meet Big Mom, I don't think the others would just let him, not without extensive preparations. And then, as Pound is the only husband we ever see, I figure the rest are dead. No point in imprisoning them, since they serve no purpose once their children are conceived. I'm not even sure why Pound was allowed to live so long. The only possible reason I can see is that in case Big Mom fails to find a new husband to give her a child, she can re-use an old one, and so keeps one, and only one, alive at all times. Simply allowing him to live because no one cared about him just seems so... lazy. You would think if Big Mom truly didn't care about someone, then she would just kill them. And with Pound being half buried in her territory, plenty of time to kill him, or to use him as a hostage to force Chiffon to obey.

* * *

 _Rant (You've Been Warned) or Why Lola is a Horrible, Horrible Friend:_  
Pretend there was a way for the Straw Hats to magically leave Thriller Bark after defeating Moriah, and instantly appear before Big Mom. They have no previous interaction with Big Mom, she isn't already pissed at Luffy, and has little reason to be mad at the very sight of them. They say they were invited by her daughter Lola. Being pissed at Lola is about the _nicest_ reaction the Straw Hats might have to Big Mom's attempts to murder them horribly, assuming they survived at all. But Lola is given a pass because she supposedly didn't realize how bad Big Mom was. And yet, Big Mom was bad enough for Lola to run away from. The two don't mesh. If Big Mom _isn't_ that bad, Lola should have stayed, toughed it out, simply refused to marry Loki (especially considering her sisters might be put in the same position, and Chiffon was), and accepted whatever consequences came from that (including being hit in the mouth repeatedly). If Big Mom _is_ that bad, Lola should have run and tried to take the few sisters she cared about most with her. So Lola _had_ to know that something was off there, if running away was the best option. Trying to reason with Big Mom, or approaching her with other siblings, weren't considered. Because Lola had to know they were pointless. And even if she thought Big Mom wouldn't hold a grudge, you don't send friends to your mom's house if you haven't spoken to her in months, and the last time you did was a fight. And that's even if she's not a building-sized tyrant with cannibalistic tendencies. So I refuse to accept the picture that paints Lola as blameless. Especially when she could have gotten both Chiffon and the Straw Hats killed. That's Garp-level good intentions gone bad. And if you can forgive him based on the fact that it was his job, fine, but then you also have to accept that as one of Big Mom's kids, it was Lola's responsibility to warn the Straw Hats to stay the hell away from her mother, and definitely not to approach her. Best case scenario, one of the Straw Hats is forced to marry into the Charlotte family, and the crew is forced to work for her, which they'd all hate. So if Lola couldn't do that much, then she shouldn't be allowed to have any friends, because when Big Mom eventually hunted her down, anyone who was with her would die, too.

* * *

 _Big Mom's Births:_

It is possible that Big Mom had perfectly natural births... but that just seems _so_ unlikely. Nothing about her is natural or ordinary, so why would that be? This is someone who puts pieces of her soul into things, who can take souls from others, who delights in forcing others to do what she wants. It only makes sense that she would put her soul into someone she wanted to control. And sure, there's a "rule" that she can't put her soul into other people. But how do you explain so many of those kids being loyal to her, when she could flip out and kill them at any moment? Maybe none of them had a choice, at first. Several of Big Mom's kids are supremely well-proportioned, in that they are very tall or physically imposing. Some of that could be good eating, Devil Fruit-related, or just her half of the genes. But suppose Big Mom could give birth to a homunculus. A being that she can sculpt into whatever shape she wants, who will turn out however she wants. And she puts a piece of her soul into them before they're born. So that person grows up with peak physical attributes (or whatever shape Big Mom desires), and a mind loyal to Big Mom that never questions what happened to its father. And after twenty-plus ex-husbands, someone had to wonder.  
And it's true that children don't inherit the Devil Fruits of their parents (unless they eat their parents, apparently). But, if that "child" is actually a homunculus, and more than that, a homie-culus? Then it can house a piece of Big Mom's soul, and be capable of taking other souls, as her incarnations do. Even better, if the child wasn't aware of this ability, which could only be unlocked under certain circumstances, that's a near-perfect sleeper agent.  
So, to review: Big Mom isn't giving birth to a child, she's actually making a homie-culus. But the only way for those soul-taking powers to activate is for them to go through a traumatic enough event. This awakens that buried power, but also triggers a mental sickness. And I've clearly seen too much Naruto.  
But ask yourself what's more likely: Big Mom finding an able-bodied (though not necessarily willing) sex partner annually, or her not actually needing sex partners to have "kids". The very idea that she's given birth so many times, would surely kill most human women. And I still refuse to believe that she is entirely human, that being one of the many reasons.

* * *

 _Big Mom and Sex (I can't blame you if you skip this...):_  
Something else I've been obsessing over. I don't think it's physically possible (or at least comfortable) for Big Mom to have had sex with the majority of these fathers. Pound, maybe, but surely _all_ of her husbands have not been that size, and none were giant unless (and I can't believe I'm suggesting this) Big Mom's habit of flipping giants for jollies has evolved into beating them into submission and raping them. So the only way I can envision Big Mom having sex with men MUCH smaller than her (she's 8.5 meters tall, or about 28 feet tall!), is if she could shrink down at will for every single conception, and then resume normal size (for her) after the birth. And she'd have to do it virtually every year, since that's supposedly how often she was pregnant. If she can't do that, then the only thing that makes sense is one of her chefs also has the job of Official Turkey Baster Carrier, and he has one of the most disgusting duties imaginable (although maybe he's tied with the guy who has to clean her bathroom). You can laugh, but Big Mom isn't drawing these guys in with her looks (not anymore, anyway), and I pity the man who was foolish enough to venture down south for some loving, only to find that Big Mom is a cannibal at more than one orifice. Yeah, I went there. And if you think for one second that sex with Big Mom could be normal, I pity you. So either she has some _very_ awkward sex, or the turkey baster thing (like _that_ isn't awkward). And given the way she tosses guys to the curb, I wouldn't rule out her killing them as soon as the turkey baster was full. And that's assuming the act of filling a giant turkey baster didn't kill the guy itself. I do think it's very convenient we haven't seen ANY ex-husband other than Pound. Because I really want to see how tall these guys are. And if they're all wide-headed dwarf-giants. I suppose since there's an Amazon Lily, there can be a Dwarf-Giant Isle.  
I am not going to explore the possibility that some (or all) of Big Mom's children are products of rape... much. Pound seems to have genuinely cared about her, at least. But that he was able to fall for her at all makes me seriously question his judgment. By the time he married her, he had to know there had been over 20 husbands before him. Surely all of them couldn't have been that naive. All those kids and not one father in sight? Smells like a setup to me. So I find it far more likely that the majority of these husbands were forced to participate.

* * *

 _Giants Gettin' Busy:_  
I was shocked to learn that giants have crossbred, and that some of these children have even appeared previously in the series, but it did lend some credibility for the story. And before anyone says I've got the sizes wrong: no, I haven't, I researched that carefully. The smallest giants are around 12 meters tall. So Little Oars Junior, supposedly as tall as two giants, was probably over 24 meters tall. Shirahoshi is around 17 meters tall. So, in theory, there should be giants around the same size as Shirahoshi.

* * *

 _Shiliew:_  
I can only assume that Kuzan is "allied" with the Blackbeard Pirates for one of three reasons: to take them down from the inside, or to attack Sakazuki's aggressive regime and THEN take Blackbeard down from the inside, or to discover how Blackbeard stole Whitebeard's power. Unless someone in the Blackbeard Pirates has hypnotized Kuzan (they do have a hypnotist), their genuinely working together makes little sense on the surface. And considering that Blackbeard's right hand man Burgess doesn't trust Kuzan, I can't see that alliance lasting long. When it does end, I don't see Blackbeard letting that Devil Fruit leave without a fight. Which is a roundabout way of explaining why Shiliew has ice powers here.


End file.
